


Respite

by Draycarla



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Past Adam/Shiro (Voltron), beginnings of keith/shiro, following the end of s7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 18:29:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15913842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draycarla/pseuds/Draycarla
Summary: Respite gives you the time to make sense of and start processing thoughts and feelings you've had to put on hold for so long, and after everything that has happened leading up to the address to their allies and people of Earth, Shiro finally has that time to start his own healing process. From his relationship with Adam, feelings about Keith, and uncertainty around what he wants from life moving forward, it all has to start somewhere.





	Respite

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this piece!

The electronic door softly swished open, the lights automatically blinking on as the man walked slowly into the empty apartment. Shiro neatly placed his jacket on the counter, before moving past the dusty sideboard adorned with models of space ships, medals and old photographs of what once was. He reached for the cupboard handle but paused; his hand ghosting the cold metal. Instead, he ran cold water into the sink, scooping the water in his hands and splashing it against his face. He smoothed back his white hair, some rogue strands falling back against his damp forehead as he braced the sides of the sink, acknowledging the water trickling away down the drain but still staring even after it had gone.

 

He finally pulled his head up, eyes closed and exhaling with purpose, before letting them flicker open. Shiro turned, moving towards the sofa. The red pillow, faded now with time, was still in its usual place. It had been a house-warming present from one of his and Adam's colleagues, one that both of them had found strange. It was handmade, her wife had made it because they needed something “homey in that cold military base”. Shiro smiled as he picked it up in his human hand, running his thumb along the bobbled fabric. As he settled down, he lightly tapped the pillow to watch the dust burst out and flutter around him. A soft smile graced his worn face as he brought it close to his chest, hugging it tightly as he closed his eyes. It had been a long day, he deserved this moment of rest.

 

“ _Do you think we need to get another pillow?” Adam blinked at the sole pillow in the middle of their sofa, and looked to Shiro for input. Shiro himself was uncertain because, well, it was a pillow and decoration hadn't really been on his or Adam's mind since they moved in together._

_“I think one is fine? The couch is pretty comfortable as it is.”_  
_“You don't think it's meant to be for the bedroom do you? I mean my mom used to have them everywhere.”_  
_“You remember when I stayed over that summer and she just kept bringing me extra pillows because she thought I wouldn't be comfortable?” Shiro grinned and Adam's face lit up._  
_“Oh god, and when she found my brothers body pillow and brought that in!”_  
_“Do not remind me. It was just...I do not want to think about it, just no.” Shiro chuckled and kissed Adam on the cheek. “I think we're both being stupid. We'll have to get more pillows at some point. Make a fort.”_  
_“Take out and movies in the fort?”_  
_“Whatever you want.” Shiro raised his eyebrows, smirk plastered all over his face, and Adam pulled him back towards him. “I can think of a few things, Takashi, and you naked is one of them.” Adam ran his fingers through Shiros hair, brushing his lips along his neck. Shiro hummed, running his hands along Adam's sides until they rested on his hips. “I've got thirty minutes until my next meeting so can grant you an early screening.”_

Something warm ran down Shiro's cheeks and along his neck. His brow knitted together as he touched the wetness, and realised they were tears. “Why am I...?” He sat up, looking down at the pillow he still had clutched to his chest like it was his most precious treasure, and then he felt his chest tighten, a lump so unbearable forming in his throat that he could choke, and his eyes stinging like fire. He opened his mouth to dislodge the lump, and the sharp sob that came out was all his eyes needed to release the tears he'd saved up over who knew how long.

 

He choked out Adam's name between sobs as he drew himself into a ball; the pillow gripped so tight he could tear the fabric. Adam was never going to come back through that door again. Never going to see his friends, family. Never going to see the Earth safe. Shiro knew, and gods did he know, that Adam died in the line of duty. He should never have died. If he had killed Sendak sooner, Adam would still be alive now. Even though he would never be with Adam again, he couldn't, not after what happened, he still deserved happiness. But, as Shiro wiped at his running nose with his sleeve, his mind raced with what ifs. What if Adam would have taken him back like in those old war movies they used to watch? What if Shiro had been the one to still long for him and returned to find him with someone else? What if it was mutual? What if? What if? He let out a sharp cry, clutching at his head as his thoughts shattered like broken glass. He thought he had put his thoughts and feelings to paper when he had done his speech earlier that day. Anyone would have known he was paying as much homage to Adam as he was anyone else who had died.

 

And yet, as he rolled off the sofa and fell to the cold floor below, it felt like he had dealt with nothing. He had dealt with death before; he had dealt with the feelings around his own mortality, so why did it hurt so much? The break up had been bad. He'd heard nothing for months from Adam while they travelled out towards Kerberos. He probably thought he was dead until he crashed back on Earth. He didn't even see him then. Why was he caring so much over someone who clearly didn't care about him? But at the same time, why did he feel so numb?

 

“ _Hey, Shiro?” Shiro turned to see Keith stood awkwardly a little down the corridor from him, his Blades uniform looking a bit filthy but otherwise Keith was perfectly fine. “Something wrong? Did your mission not go well?” Shiro motioned for Keith to follow him much like he used to when he had meetings to attend, and Keith followed. “It's nothing to do with me, it's more...” he looked to the side and scratched the back of his hair, “I know you don't do conversations about Adam or anything private really,” Keith bit his lip as Shiro tensed up, “but I was still there for a while, and we did talk a bit before I quit. If you ever want to-”_

“ _It's fine, Keith. Adam and I made our choices, and I'm sure he believed the reports that it was pilot error.” Shiro turned to look at Keith, but frowned as Keith shook his head. “Adam never thought it was down to pilot error. Neither of us did, honestly. You're the best there is, and he demanded the truth.” Keith paused. “I don't know anything about relationships, but from what I've seen of you, others at the Garrison and...Lance, you've been really close to someone for so long that even if you argue and fight, they still mean something to you 'cause there's that history. It's not even close to being the same,” Keith cleared his throat, shifting from one foot to the other, “but honestly? Even if we fought, I'd still be there for you no matter what. You're important to me, and if it was irreparable, the time we spent together still happened and meant something.” Shiro smiled and brought Keith into a hug, letting his soft hair brush against his cheek. “Thank you. You're getting better at pep talks, it seems my lessons have been paying off.” Shiro held Keith's shoulders as he looked him straight in the eyes, visably relaxed. “Maybe...I should probably go clean up. Good chat, though,” Keith slowly pulled himself away, smiling as he left Shiro._

 

Shiro had started to get his breathing under control, and used his new Altean arm to get a glass of water. He kept the glass in that hand, as his human one was shaking as he kept the pillow close to his chest. He needed to remember this grief was natural, that there was no time limit to get over something like this, and Keith was right all those months ago. Through all the highs and lows, him and Adam had wanted to get married at the end of the day. In time he would expect Adam to think he was dead, and even though he said he would never wait, Shiro knew he would move on with his life. It would be cruel to expect him to wait, especially with everyone around Adam. He could never blame his colleagues, they had no idea. The top brass like Iverson would have known the truth when he crashed back on Earth, but those there would never be able to say a word, until of course he returned with the others.

 

Keith though, he had never stopped believing he was out there. Shiro's face softened at the thought of him. He'd thought of visiting Keith today, but decided it best to leave him with Krolia and Kolivan. He was happy Keith had his mother, and even though his father had passed all those years ago, Kolivan was like a father figure he'd never known he needed. He felt his swollen eyes leak again, wondering how he could still manage it. He chuckled, sniffling slightly. He could imagine Keith would go back to space to join the Blades of Marmora one day in the future, and he was proud that he'd found a calling. He was proud that he'd finally assumed the mantle as leader of Voltron.

 

If Keith did leave, Shiro was unsure how he would take it. They'd saved each other so much; Keith doing most of the saving. Now though, Shiro had taken command of the Atlas, and he wasn't certain on whether he would be stationed on Earth or whether they would be travelling out into space. After all, the ship was big enough to carry the Lions and they still had to find the Alteans. He had come to enjoy his time in space and wondered whether or not he could stay on Earth for the rest of his life. He wanted to protect his home, but at the same time he still felt that the rest of the universe deserved the same amount of protection. With their allies coming in to assist them rebuild, Earth would be better protected, but the anxiety of the unknown rattled him. His stomach felt empty and cold, and he sipped some of the water before setting the glass down beside him.

 

He pulled himself back on to the sofa, running his Altean hand through his hair a few times, eyes darting around as he tried to process his thoughts. Keith. The boy that had stolen his car and almost thrown his life away, had become an amazing young man. Even now he followed him around like a puppy, and was always there for him through everything. He'd always been used to doing things alone, and even though Adam was supportive, there was always a breaking point. He knew that too well. But with Keith there never seemed to be. Even if they fought, they would still be the same, even after his clone scarred him. Keith had given Shiro time and they talked about it at their own pace. Things weren't fully resolved, but he never blamed Shiro for what happened.

 

It was like something had just clicked into place. This was what he had wanted; what he never knew he needed in someone. The prospect of the one person who always seemed to understand him one day leaving made his chest tense and hurt more than his illness ever did. He felt something surge within him, a sense of an urgency that he needed to tell Keith how he felt. Then that familiar feeling of doubt began to bubble. Keith saw him like a brother, but his actions and their relationship never felt like those he had observed, like Matt and Pidge. What if he had read in to it too much, or he was projecting his own feelings he'd not addressed onto Keith's behaviour? Shiro pulled at his hair. He didn't know what to do and the intensity of the feelings was driving him mad. He couldn't stay here, he needed to get out.

 

He ran to the door, grabbing his jacket from the counter. The door opened but he didn't see it close as he bolted through the empty corridors. The medical wing was on the other side of the complex, but it didn't matter as he ran as fast as his feet would carry him. He leapt down the staircases, at one point recklessly stumbling forward and feeling his foot slip. He quickly corrected himself, hissing out the pain as he pushed forwards, fuelled by adrenaline and his racing impulsive thoughts. He exited the barracks into the warm night air. The stars above more vivid than what he could recall ever seeing planet-side. Now wasn't the time to look at them, because the brightest thing in his life led resting in a hospital bed.

 

As he ran through the sterile white halls of the hospital wing, filled with a low warm light and the strong scent of disinfectant, the voices of the nurses were of no concern to him. He knew he shouldn't be here, but damn it he needed to see Keith, needed to tell him. As he came to hallway he knew Keith was down, he gave one final burst of energy as he ran down towards the door, now panting heavily and his foot aching. As he skidded to a halt, he peeked through the glass. His breath caught in his chest.

 

Krolia was sat in a chair, leaning on the side table as she played with that silky black hair. Her expression was the softest Shiro had ever seen her. She looked at complete ease as she gently stroked the side of his face, running her thumb alongside his cheek. She rose, slowly and bent over, planting a kiss on his forehead. He could see her saying something, but whatever she was saying must have been in Galran. As she turned towards the door, she noticed Shiro and her expression lost some of the softness. Shiro bit his lip, unsure if he had overstepped his boundaries and came too quickly, but as Krolia stepped outside, she turned to him and eyed him up and down.

 

“He's been asking if you would visit today. I said you probably would later.” Krolia smiled. “You mean a lot to him, and I can see he means a lot to you. Go. Stay with him.” She grasped his shoulder lightly, and Shiro nodded slowly. “Thank you.” His voice was hoarser then he imagined it would, but slowly moved into the room and took Krolia's seat next to Keith. He settled down to get comfortable, and more so to organise his thoughts.

 

“S-Shiro?” Shiro's eyes blinked open as he felt a hand touch his. Following the hand back to its owner, he noted Keith leaning out of his bed. “How long have you been here?” Keith pulled away, drawing his hands to his lap as he watched Shiro intently. “I...don't remember the exact time but I- there's, something I wanted to talk to you about, if you're up to it of course.” Shiro felt the anxiety twist within him but he couldn't forget why he came to see Keith in the middle of the night. He had to do this, or try to. He swallowed, too obviously since Keith noticed. “Is something wrong? Is it the Galra?” That made Shiro laugh, more than was necessary, but he couldn't stop. He felt his eyes prickle and he clutched his chest, before reigning it in, all the while Keith seemed confused. “What meds are they even giving me?” He muttered, checking the drip above him. “It's not the Galra. I don't think we'll be worrying about them for at least a few days. No, it's just me trying to open up, and I think I'm ready.” Shiro reached for Keith's hands this time, cupping them both between his. Keith could feel how clammy Shiro's human hand was, but he laced his fingers in all the same. “I've...got some things I've got to say to you as well. But you first, okay?” Keith looked from their hands to Shiro, who slowly nodded his head, a little grin on his face. “So there's a lot to unload, so I hope you're comfortable.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> As mentioned in the tags, this is a very cathartic piece of writing that I needed to get out of my system, mostly surrounding feelings for an ex-partner and that relationship, feelings towards someone else, and where I'm going/what I want in life. I've been hesitant to upload it, admittedly, but felt I might as well. This needed venting out, because I can't write stupid smut when I've built up something heavy that would demand it's own fic.
> 
> I wanted to have Shiro just really cry about Adam as well, because I don't feel the small amount of time he had before he was interrupted was fair. Although his speech seemed like it was directed as much as at Adam as it was anyone else, this man has gone through so, so much and he just needs time to grieve. He's certainly not finished his grieving in this piece, but it's a start at the very least.
> 
> I was listening to the ending piece from the Legend of Korra, the scene where Korra and Asami have their chat, because the scene and music make me cry a lot. So I cried a lot writing this as well, which probably seems a bit weird. It's helped, and hopefully I can start writing some more Sheith or Shadam or whatever, really.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read.


End file.
